Countless blessings

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A few days ago, I was just sitting by the river in Clarke Quay, Singapore - as I often do right after class is done. Felt the breezy wind on my cheeks and hair. Took some deep breaths and exhale slowly each time. Whenever I feel like I had quite a heavy day, I would just treat myself by sitting there. Seeing the people around me from there, wondering of what or how they are, are their lives like mine? Or are theirs worse than mine or way better? I would stare at the always flowing water. All my thoughts and worries are resolved in those moments there. I am quite of a passionate, aggressive person which also, gives me a great down point too. I would need some regular time off for myself and only with myself surrounded by nature. It empowers me more. Recharges me. It’s funny how it works. Sleep should be something that gain your energy back, scientifically. But, this barely worked for me since I got into college. My sleep were good but were barely ever some rest. On the other hand, if I fall asleep in an open air and surrounded by nature, I would have great deep nap that would feel like I were having a week of sleep.

An analyst once analysed me few years back. I was just curious about how it works, so I took this one personality, psychological test to see what my result would be. A point that the analyst told me of my result was that I am a heavy thinker and that I don't really sleep at night. It is still so true! So here’s how I would always be.. I would be in bed, ready to fall asleep, but then, my brain won’t shut. I would think of things; how that particular day was, how I could have done differently, how I liked certain moments of a particular day, what I would want to do next, worries about some things, visually plan on what I am going to do the next day, and more. Trust me, it drives me crazy sometimes to have these thoughts floating around in your mind. Someone told me some tips too to overcome this, is by imagining a black, blank space. And yet, I tried. It never worked. Imagining those black, blank space would only make me dizzy, because some colourful lights would appear and all of that sort. Like twinkle lights. So sleep is not much of a best friend to me. Don't give me wrong, I do love sleeping. But I don't love my mind when I am trying to sleep.

Anyways, the whole point of this was not to tell you all about my sleeping problem. As I was sitting that day by the river, a random person came up to me. The first thing she asked me was whether that I know where my life was going. I was shocked. I didn't know how to react. I was quite freaked out for few seconds. But, this thought crossed my mind. “What if she is serious? What if she needs someone to talk to? What if she were to suicide and I were the last person whom she’d talk to?” I wanted to make her feel better somehow, but I had to be careful too. She did have some great burden on her that only need her to talk it out. I just believe she didn't have anybody she could talk to. I seriously feel such deep compassion towards her. I wanted to help so much. However, I just know I shouldn’t. So I only had her talking to me that evening by the river only. I gave her some responses and of what my opinions were on some of her situations. Apparently, she was also going through what I am going through now, difference is that she completely had nobody. While me, I am blessed to still have my loving mother, my loving brother, my loving friends and top of all else, my loving God. I wish I could share my love to her and make her feel better. Eventually, after about 45 minutes of listening and sharing advice, she went off with a thank you.

I froze staring at the water. What the hell just happened? I tried to digest it all in my brain, heart and soul. Something I learned from it is that I had to be way more grateful for what I am blessed with in my life. Someone else out there is fighting a greater battle than you would ever have to fight for. I truly believe that God sent the woman to me, to have me realise to this. I do think that I have to live my life more meaningfully than before, because who knows someone else would die to have just one single breath of mine to be alive. As long as I got food on my plate, people who loves me, clothes to wear, safe place to sleep and more than enough penny to live, I should not have anything to complain about. Therefore, I am thankful for all the blessings I have been given up until today and I hope you blessed folks do too!